Tuesday, July 27, 2010

"What's herpes Mom and why doesn't she want to share?"

The extreme differences between boys and girls always amazes (and amuses) me. My handy Hubby was on the back porch assembling a picnic table the other evening when a pesky horse fly started bugging him (get it? "bugging"??? LOL) so he defended himself in as dignified a manner as he could and grabbed the broom. He swung it wildly a few times, ducking, making odd "man-like" noises, and working up a sweat until finally that one fatal blow knocked the frequent flyer to his death. He squashed the bug with the end of the broom "just to be sure it won't get back up" (and seek revenge I suspect.) The little girlies would squeal and scream and run away hiding behind something, then peek out to see if it's safe to come out. But not the boys .... The boys rush over to the assaulted insect  for a closer look.
"Ewww, COOL!" marvels Daniel.  "Look at his guts squishing out!" cries Nicholas. "I can see his blood." observes Shane. "That's not blood" corrects Nicholas, "That's bug juice" he says matter of factly. "Oh Gross." replies Shane. "Look! He's still moving! Smash him again Dad!" shouts Daniel. " I wanna try - give me the broom" grunts Shane. That poor horse fly never even had a chance with my guys out there. As I looked down at him I could hear little Susan's tiny voice in my head saying ... "awww, poor yiddow fewwa."

There is one area though that both our boys and girls share similar views on and that's television commercials. Over summer vacation they have been really noticing how "inner po piate" (innapropriate) alot of them are. I am not talking about the Charmin bathroom tissue ones that talk about "fewer pieces left behind" - this one makes the kids giggle and Shane moans  "that's just so wrong." I am talking about the ones that are shown at ALL hours of the day and early evening that make my husband and I squirm and share that "I can't believe they just showed that on daytime TV" glances over top of our kiddling's heads. I want to send a letter to the various television commercial producers but wouldn't know where to send it .... just to remind them that "my innocent children are watching - please save your trash for late night TV - if you really have to advertise it!"
I shouldn't have to worry about how to explain what KY Kissable Sensations for the Body is, or what it does, or why it comes in Chocolate for her and Strawberry for him .... and why can't she have strawberry if she likes strawberry, and what if he likes chocolate? Can't they share? The last time this commercial came on Latoya said "Mmmmm I like chocolate." and Little Susan agreed and added "I like brawberries too!" The boys looked at the television bewildered - they knew something "not quite appropriate" has just gone on but they can't quite figure it out yet. And "where did their clothes go anyway Mama?"
Good Golly husband where is the remote control?!?! find it quick the Trojan Man is on again! Have you ever seen that commercial? (you will know if you have - it is unforgetable) The announcer booms... "Trojan Ecstacy Condoms, the first condoms that feel like nothing's there!" and as the children all stare in wonder at the naked smiling man leaning at an angle into a blast of rushing air  little Susan asks the inevitable... "why is he make-it Mommy? Where's hims clothes?" so I fumble for words and blurt out "maybe the wind blew them off, I don't know for sure honey, let's see if there's something else on another channel ... WHERE IS THE REMOTE DADDY?!" A little later on I was faced with another pop quiz..... as a Pos - T - Vac commercial came on. "Vaccum therapy for E.D. Experience confidence! Experience sexual satisfaction.... blah, blah, blah.." "Awww, it's so yiddow." Coos Little Susan. "Mommy, why is the vaccum so small?" enquires Latoya. (Phew.... they think it's a vaccum) "Well, some people only need little vaccums - depends on how big their houses are I guess." ("Yes! I skirted around that one" I thought triumphantly.) I am tired of answering questions about garbage commercials..... "What's herpes Mom and why doesn't she want to share?" or having to stop a brawl because someone insulted someone else "just because they said "Boy, that lady on the "Tena Undergarments" commercial has to pee alot, just like Daniel!" Maybe she should see her doctor and get some "Vesicare bladder control medication."
I remember almost choking  on my coffee when the "Vagisil" commercial came on during cartoons.... The announcer was not shy in educating us all on the benefits of the product... "Vagisil ... stops feminine odor and itching fast!" Shane's eyes grew wide and he looked at my husband (he was starting to "get it") "Mommy, I itch..." stated Daniel.
I am glad my children are still naive and innocent in these areas - and I intend to keep it that way for as long as possible. I love how they still get squimish when ever the "Dentyne Gum" commercials come on ..... A young couple is locked in an embrace kissing passionately as the announcer says.. "The average person spends 20,000 minutes kissing....Practice safe breath" and my kiddlings are gagging, hiding their faces, and yelling "Ewww, that's so gross! They're spreading germs!" and another screams "Look - he's eating her face!" and Latoya looks up at me, eyes filled with terror and curiosity and asks "You and Daddy don't do that do you?"  I look away and pretend I didn't hear her.

The worst commercials are the ones that are too obscure for the kids to know what it is they're advertising and why - but not so obscure that they don't recognize that it makes them feel weird. For example, the Viagra and Cialis commercials. A man and a woman in the kitchen, or painting a room .... and the announcer says "Any moment could be THE moment..." and off they go to do ... well, you know.... Don't get me wrong. These products may have real benefits and have a real place in the market today but NOT on my television during daytime hours when my children are watching! These ads belong in local pharmacy and grocery store flyers NOT on the cartoon network.
Maybe it's just time to turn the television off and find a new source of entertainment for a while :) Who needs a television anyway, my kiddlings are more than entertaining!
I wanted to announce the winner of the Name the new Fish Contest!!!!!!
Drum roll please ..........
The fish's new name is "Blogger!" Congratulations to my dear Hubby who came up with that one - no it's not rigged - I really do like that name. It just seems to fit :) Thank you to everyone who submitted a name for consideration ...... and Blogger is very thankful to NOT be named "Big Pooper."
Here are a few Funnies from our house to yours:
* My niece Lynn asked where my "Prindle stick" was. "My what?" I replied confused. "Your Prindle stick. Grandma's is on the floor and my dad's is next to the steering wheel." She explained. "WHAT is a Prindle stick Lynn?" I asked. "You know, the thing you shift in a car that says Prindle on it - PRNDL." She answered. Yes, seriously.
* The kids were being very well behaved one day. Our guests had commented on their good behavior, they were very impressed. I was so proud of them. After our guests left I called the kids to me and told them how happy I was with them and how impressed I was with their behavior. Nicholas piped up and said "We know Mom - we didn't want to embarrass you infront of company."
* While eating yougurt at the table Little Susan said, "Mmmm, I like spazzberry and manilla yougurt." (raspberry and vanilla)
* My Hubby was laying on the livingroom floor with his arms folded under his head. The Baby toddled over to him and began petting his furry arm pit saying "Awwww."
* While vaccuming the living room floor I suspected a bit of hair got stuck in the motor.... Little Susan approached me with concern and said "Eww Mommy, da libbin room tastes like da vaccum." (smells - like something burning)
* We were showing the house so I was busy giving it a thourough cleaning and turning on all the lights. Little Susan asked "Why you turning on all da lights?" I explained that that's what you do when you're showing a house. To which she replied "Oh, Good Job Mama!"
* While playing in the backyard, Latoya showed the Teenager the dead worm in her hand and asked "You're coming to the "fur neral" right? "Sure" said the Teenager. Little Susan took a plastic knife and quickly dug a hole in the dirt and then Latoya jabbed the worm into the hole with her finger. "There!" she said triumphantly. Latoya prayed "Dear Lord, please bless this worm as use to our bodies. Amen." "We did a good job at the "fur neral" right? Latoya asked the Teenager. "I shoved it in the hole just like dad put Babe in the ground  and the other people shoved great grandma in the ground." she said.

Just a reminder that the next AVON order will be placed on Tuesday August 3rd - contact me if there's anything you would like me to get for you!

*India Missions Trip ~ Tupperware Fundraiser*

We are excited to announce our India Missions Trip TUPPERWARE Fundraiser. We're holding this fundraiser throughout July and August. Just browse the flyer and select the items you wish to purchase. 40% of the sale proceeds goes toward our Missions trip to India. Items will be ordered once in July and once in August. Feel free to contact me for more details :) Bless you and thank you for your participation and support.

Don't forget to share this blog with your family and friends. Invite them to become subscribers and you could win! Have them enter their information into the "Join our Mailing List" box on the right. Once you invite three or more people, send me a list of who you've invited and your name will be entered into a draw for a prize.

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