Thursday, June 18, 2015

"Look Grandma, Bert has a penis"

You could smell her unique scent emanating from her body even before she came into the room. I don't know if it was something she had been eating, something she'd been laying in or the odor from the mess on her bottom, but this girl's aroma was more than I could handle. It didn't matter that she was largely pregnant and ready to pop any moment now, that stench needed to be dealt with...she needed a bath! But how does one go about bathing a smelly, very pregnant, stray cat? Very carefully of course.
Jessie Mae (Mae for short) was our foster cat, she came to us from our local OSPCA. She needed a cozy place to live while she delivered her kittens and recuperated. Once they were old enough they would all move back to the shelter to be adopted out. The plan sounded pretty straight forward.... and everyone was eager to have Mae stay with us for a bit, especially knowing kitties would be along soon.
So I ran a warm sink full of sudsy water and gently lowered Mae into the bath (wearing long sleeves, fully expecting a fight with claws and teeth) Mae's eyes got wide then she sighed and leaned her body weight against me and sunk into my arm. She closed her eyes and relaxed while I carefully washed her swollen belly. I was speechless. She was really and truly enjoying this bath. After she looked and smelled better, i rinsed her off and towel dried the big Mama. I turned on the hair dryer and aimed it at the cat, bracing myself for a battle that didn't happen. Mae flopped down onto the towel and exposed her belly so I could blow the warm air all over her. What an odd cat.
A week or so later her kittens made their entrance into the world. All wet and wiggly and helpless. Mae was an excellent Mama and took her role seriously. In fact, she was such a great mother that she acquired four foster babies to care for on top of her own three wee ones. She just accepted the crying little lumps and dutifully fed and cleaned each one.
We're not cat people. We do have barn cats (very pampered, well taken care of, outdoor cats) but as for cats in the's just not my thing. I don't like litter boxes, I have a problem with certain odors.... the smell of a littler box is one of them. It didn't start off as a problem while the kittens were still young, but like all babies...they grew. And so did their treasures. This was a learning experience for all of us. We discovered many things while fostering Mae and her family...particularly that my husband and some of the kiddlings are allergic to cats. So this would be our first and last experience in cat fostering. Since our two Shih Tzu's have the run of the main floor of the house, Mae and her family lodged downstairs in the finished basement, particularly in the Teenager's bedroom. Everyone oooh'd and awww'd when the kittens were tiny and Mae cleaned up after them, but soon enough they learned to use the litter box on their own... and sometimes they had accidents.... in the Teenager's room, on her floor, under her bed, on her shelf, etc. Then it wasn't so cute anymore. The teenager was counting the days until the feline family would be relocated to the shelter and on to homes of their own.
One morning I was cleaning out the litter box in the Teenager's room, the kittens were running here and there and Mae was resting on a book shelf. I spotted something so funny I had to grab my camera....
One of the kittens was pooping on the Teenager's bed (right below the pillows) it stared at me as I aimed the camera in his direction, his tailed pumped up and down as he deposited a little pile of yuck on her bed sheets, I shook with restrained laughter..."She's gonna be soooo mad!!!" I thought to myself..... as I took the picture.... and sent it to her cellphone.... hahahahaha.
She replied right away.
Teenager: MOM.... Really!?!?!?!
Mom: What? He was already going when I noticed, I didn't have time to stop him...
Teenager: But you had time to TAKE A PICTURE?!?!?

~Here's a few Funnies from our house to yours~
* Shane: "Mom, why when you're making a face and someone comes up behind you and smacks you in the head, does your face stay that way?"

* The Baby with her leg up in the air: "Look Mommy, I'm flecktable!"

* Shane:That's so cool that we're getting (quaking) Aspen trees, then we will be able to get our own asprins - cause that's where they come from."

* "Mommy! I saw penguins!" The Baby exclaimed excitedly, pointing out the window as we drove on the bridge over the river. I looked back toward the frozen river to see many ice fishermen hunkered down next to holes in the ice waiting for a bite....they looked like penguins on the ice to her.

*  "Look Grandma, Bert has a penis." says The Baby as she points out a colouring book picture of Bert from Sesame Street. "He has pants on - you can't see THAT." replies Grandma Windsor. "But I Can..." the baby responds with eyebrows raised, in a sign song voice.

Subscribers Stories
Introducing a new area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I 'll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.