Thursday, June 18, 2015

"Look Grandma, Bert has a penis"

You could smell her unique scent emanating from her body even before she came into the room. I don't know if it was something she had been eating, something she'd been laying in or the odor from the mess on her bottom, but this girl's aroma was more than I could handle. It didn't matter that she was largely pregnant and ready to pop any moment now, that stench needed to be dealt with...she needed a bath! But how does one go about bathing a smelly, very pregnant, stray cat? Very carefully of course.
Jessie Mae (Mae for short) was our foster cat, she came to us from our local OSPCA. She needed a cozy place to live while she delivered her kittens and recuperated. Once they were old enough they would all move back to the shelter to be adopted out. The plan sounded pretty straight forward.... and everyone was eager to have Mae stay with us for a bit, especially knowing kitties would be along soon.
So I ran a warm sink full of sudsy water and gently lowered Mae into the bath (wearing long sleeves, fully expecting a fight with claws and teeth) Mae's eyes got wide then she sighed and leaned her body weight against me and sunk into my arm. She closed her eyes and relaxed while I carefully washed her swollen belly. I was speechless. She was really and truly enjoying this bath. After she looked and smelled better, i rinsed her off and towel dried the big Mama. I turned on the hair dryer and aimed it at the cat, bracing myself for a battle that didn't happen. Mae flopped down onto the towel and exposed her belly so I could blow the warm air all over her. What an odd cat.
A week or so later her kittens made their entrance into the world. All wet and wiggly and helpless. Mae was an excellent Mama and took her role seriously. In fact, she was such a great mother that she acquired four foster babies to care for on top of her own three wee ones. She just accepted the crying little lumps and dutifully fed and cleaned each one.
We're not cat people. We do have barn cats (very pampered, well taken care of, outdoor cats) but as for cats in the's just not my thing. I don't like litter boxes, I have a problem with certain odors.... the smell of a littler box is one of them. It didn't start off as a problem while the kittens were still young, but like all babies...they grew. And so did their treasures. This was a learning experience for all of us. We discovered many things while fostering Mae and her family...particularly that my husband and some of the kiddlings are allergic to cats. So this would be our first and last experience in cat fostering. Since our two Shih Tzu's have the run of the main floor of the house, Mae and her family lodged downstairs in the finished basement, particularly in the Teenager's bedroom. Everyone oooh'd and awww'd when the kittens were tiny and Mae cleaned up after them, but soon enough they learned to use the litter box on their own... and sometimes they had accidents.... in the Teenager's room, on her floor, under her bed, on her shelf, etc. Then it wasn't so cute anymore. The teenager was counting the days until the feline family would be relocated to the shelter and on to homes of their own.
One morning I was cleaning out the litter box in the Teenager's room, the kittens were running here and there and Mae was resting on a book shelf. I spotted something so funny I had to grab my camera....
One of the kittens was pooping on the Teenager's bed (right below the pillows) it stared at me as I aimed the camera in his direction, his tailed pumped up and down as he deposited a little pile of yuck on her bed sheets, I shook with restrained laughter..."She's gonna be soooo mad!!!" I thought to myself..... as I took the picture.... and sent it to her cellphone.... hahahahaha.
She replied right away.
Teenager: MOM.... Really!?!?!?!
Mom: What? He was already going when I noticed, I didn't have time to stop him...
Teenager: But you had time to TAKE A PICTURE?!?!?

~Here's a few Funnies from our house to yours~
* Shane: "Mom, why when you're making a face and someone comes up behind you and smacks you in the head, does your face stay that way?"

* The Baby with her leg up in the air: "Look Mommy, I'm flecktable!"

* Shane:That's so cool that we're getting (quaking) Aspen trees, then we will be able to get our own asprins - cause that's where they come from."

* "Mommy! I saw penguins!" The Baby exclaimed excitedly, pointing out the window as we drove on the bridge over the river. I looked back toward the frozen river to see many ice fishermen hunkered down next to holes in the ice waiting for a bite....they looked like penguins on the ice to her.

*  "Look Grandma, Bert has a penis." says The Baby as she points out a colouring book picture of Bert from Sesame Street. "He has pants on - you can't see THAT." replies Grandma Windsor. "But I Can..." the baby responds with eyebrows raised, in a sign song voice.

Subscribers Stories
Introducing a new area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I 'll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

"Silly Mommy, seafood is for fish NOT people!"

It`s not as if it came without warning... the Marine Land commercials have been on the television for a little while now subliminally preparing us for this time of year. But somehow it still managed to creep up on me and catch me off guard. The school year has ended and summer time is upon us. As I dug through the kiddling`s back packs one last time to unload all their forgotten treasures they cleared out from their school cubbies and desks, I shook my head in amazement.... no, not at the amount of random articles of clothing they had accumulated in their school bags over the year (including 7 pairs of socks, 6 winter hats {belonging to 1 child} many mismatched gloves, and a collection of flower printed undies...just incase) what amazed me most was how quickly this school season slipped by. It seems like only yesterday I was braiding her hair and preparing The Baby for her first day of school. Has ten months really flown by without me noticing? As I washed sandwich keepers and put back packs and insulated lunch bags into the laundry I day dreamed, recollecting the first days of the school year.... all seven children climbed aboard their big yellow buses each morning and went off to school.... it was glorious..... for the first week.  Then the novelty wore off, the enthusiasm died down and the children began to rebel.
It was a Friday afternoon. The kiddlings had just gotten off the bus and homework was underway. I checked through each back pack to ensure that nothing was forgotten when I stumbled upon an interesting discovery carefully hidden under a balled up pink sweater..... how had I missed this all week????
A back pack FULL of partially eaten sandwiches!!! The culprit was Little Susan. She had decided that bologna sandwiches were no longer her favourite and so decided to hide them in her backpack to avoid having to eat them. I wonder how long she thought she would get away with this magic act before her trick was discovered?  What in the world was she thinking?
That same week as I was looking through the basement pantry for something when I happened to notice some granular substance scattered all over the floor. It was spilled over the chest that held our photo albums and covered many of the shelves, cans and jars. It was sugar! Sticky and messy. I assumed a mouse had found one of the bags of white sugar and nibbled a hole through the side but I was wrong.... When I came across the actual bag that had the "leak" I knew right away that this was NOT the work of a mouse but someone much taller without a tail. The sugar bag had been opened and gathered together at the top, it had sugar stuck to the edges of the opening...just like someone had been pouring the sugar out of the bag right into their mouth!!! There's only one way to find out the truth with seven children in a situation like this... the shock and awe method! The kiddlings were all in the swimming pool so they didn`t notice me as I approached the pool deck with my hand behind my back hiding the evidence. I asked them to all get out of the pool and line up across the deck. They complied quickly because they assumed I must have some kind of treat hidden behind my back for them .... boy were they surprised when I pulled the soggy-top sugar bag out from behind my back. I quickly scanned each pair of eye balls staring back at me. They had a variety of expressions.... some shocked, some confused, some disappointed (that it wasn`t a treat) but two pair of eyes had the expression I was looking for.....guilt. ``Alright, Daniel and Little Susan, come with me...the rest of you can go back to swimming.`I announced as I led the young offenders away for sentencing.
It wasn`t even a week later that I made another mysterious discovery in the pantry...... As I shuffled jars and cans around searching for canned tomatoes I came across a bottle of chili sauce that didn`t seem quite right. The lid wasn`t on properly and there appeared to be some chili sauce missing from the bottle. So I concealed the bottle under a dish towel and gathered the kiddlings together in the living room. Once they were lined up
With having seven children, I have learned over the years that asking the question "Who did it?" is very ineffective in our home. You can only hear "Not Me!" so many times before you choose a new method of interrogation. And ours is the Lie detector line up." Now over time the kiddlings have tried to beat the system and cheat their way through interrogation..... but like they say " the eyes are the window to the soul" and I can usually read those peepers pretty accurately.  Oh by the way, it was Little Susan (again) who pilfered the pantry and sampled the chili sauce. "It didn't even taste like chili!" she complained as I doled out her discipline.
*Here's a Few Funnies From Our House to Yours*
* "What did you do at the party?" I asked The Baby. "We played Tail on the Butt" she replied (pin the tail on the donkey)
* Shane inquired "Mom, if you scream into a pot and close the lid...if you open the lid again will you hear the scream?"
* The Baby stood in her doorway on a brown bath towel soaking up a puddle of urine on her carpet. She had an accident and was cleaning it up.  "Sorry guys, it happens!" she said to us sarcastically.
* The Baby's eye searched along the edges of her bedroom ceiling as she lay in bed. "Is Daddy Spider Legs coming?" she asked. (daddy long legs spider)
* "Mom, are there red sheep?" Nicholas queried. "No honey there aren't. Why?" I replied. "Well" he said, "How do you get different coloured wool?"
* As we sat at a restaurant eating lunch The Baby got concerned. "Uh Oh, it's buffering!" she said of the scoreboard showing on the television set overhead. (Can you tell we live in the country with a temperamental internet connection?)
* "You did a good job yelling at the kids today Grandma." The Baby complimented Grandma after she'd looked after the kiddlings for me.
* 'I don't like seafood." I explained to The Baby. "Silly Mommy, seafood is for fish NOT people!" she exclaimed.

Subscribers Stories
Introducing a new area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I 'll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.
Join our mailing list
Join our mailing list and receive regular updates as soon as we post a new entry. Just add your name and email address in the "join the mailing list" section on the right hand side. Regular updates will be delivered right to your email inbox.
Don't keep this to yourself....share this blog with your family and friends or post it to your Face Book profile (just click the Face Book button on the right hand side.)

Happy Canada Day ~ Be Blessed,

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

"GASP! We're having LION for supper?!?!?" Shane screamed.

I drove down the dirt road slowly edging my way toward the stop sign.I could hear the crunching of stones beneath my tires. `The grader has been out already this morning` I mentally observed. As I glanced left down the road, and then right I noticed it briefly out of the corner of my eye. The large black bird, a crow perhaps, sitting still on the post at the side of the road. `He must be enjoying the warmth of the sun on his shiny black feathers` I thought to myself as I pulled away from the stop sign and headed for home.
The very next day as I ventured back toward town I saw him again at the last minute as I drove past that corner . Resting in the very same spot as he did the day before. What a smart bird, he must be a creature of habit I mused. In the weeks that followed I occasionally took notice of the lonely black bird waiting patiently on the stump as I drove past that corner. Sometimes I saw him, sometimes I didn`t.... depending on how observant I was that day. One morning as I drove by that corner, my head swimming with the many items on my shopping list, I caught a glimpse of the big guy once again looking alert on his favourite roadside stump. I was amazed at how consistent he was. It didn`t matter what time it was that I happened to pass by this dirt road intersection, my feathered friend was faithfully waiting there. Surely he has a home of some sort nearby, why else would he hang around day after day, week after week? Then it dawned on me, one blustery winter morning as my vehicle approached the stop sign once again. I caught sight of my fluffy friend dutifully guarding his post as fat white snowflakes falling from the sky swirled around him. The snow was piled an inch or so thick on his head and atop his shoulders, there was a little mound of the white stuff collecting on his tail......wait a minute......WAIT A MINUTE..... THIS BIRD ISN'T ALIVE...HE ISN'T EVEN REAL..... HE'S PLASTIC! How could I have been so blind? Why didn't I see it before? It was so obvious...of course it was a fake bird...he had only been sitting out there on that stump every hour of every day for the past few months! Who in their right mind couldn't tell the difference between a real crow and a fake feathered piece of styro foam? Upon closer examination I was even more embarrassed at my lack of judgement, the bird was pathetic. His feathers were worn and weathered and he had an odd, white bald patch on his head where feathers had once been glued in place but were now no where to be seen. He was pathetic looking. So as I hung my head in shame (at having been duped by a fake) I spilled into the van and drove home, disheartened and grumbling and feeling a little silly about the whole bogus bird thing.
In the weeks that followed, each time I drove past the little fraud I felt a sense of disgust. "You may have tricked me before but look at you now" I seethed through the window. "You're pathetic! You're alone and falling apart, one feather at a time." Eventually the Baby picked up on my "relationship" with this counterfeit crow and began anticipating the drive past the corner, just so she could get a glimpse of him. "He's a pathetic bird, right Mama?" She loved to inform her siblings about the bird's lack of vitality. "He just sits there," she'd say "He's pathetic." One day as we drove past the phony yet again, the Baby piped up and said "Look at that pathetic bird, he doesn't even have any friends....maybe he's lonely?" We continued on to the mall and forgot all about our lonely, pitiful pathetic bird until while browsing through the dollar store an idea struck me. As I stood in front of the craft supplies I spotted an assortment of small craft-type birdies I giggled at the thought of fastening a little bird or two to the post that pathetic crow was stuck on....just to give him a few friends and make his pathetic existence a little less dreary.
I continued on down the aisle pushing my cart past crayons, scissors, chalkboard and the like as I ran the `morning after`scenario through my mind. Of course we would have to pull off this scheme under the cover of night. How else could you explain to the police or anyone else why you were securing little colourful birds to some stranger`s post at the edge of the road. And what would the home owner think waking up the next day to find that her pathetic bird had brought guests home with him? Would that homeowner welcome the sense of "mystery" the unexpected friends would create? I got giddy as I pondered the possibilities. This could be ALOT of fun. I turned my shopping cart around and retrieved the package of craft birds, smiling mischieviously as I set them in the cart. "What's that for Mama?" my little one probed. "We're gonna have some fun dolly, we're gonna make that pathetic bird a little less pathetic." I mused.
Later that night, armed with my bright little craft bird and my mother (every shady character who sneaks around in the darkness has an accomplice, mine happened to be Grandma Windsor) we drove over to that corner, a sense of anticipation filled the van. As I drove ever so slowly past the post Grandma leaned far out the window and fastened the little bird to the back of that old pathetic bird. "There," she said with a note of satisfaction in her voice as she settled back into the seat and clipped up her seat belt "That's what you call a drive-by birding." We sped away before we could be seen and giggled like school girls all the way home contemplating the reaction that home owner would have the next day upon discovering the new feathered friend who had taken up residence on the back of that pathetic old crow. 'You did WHAT?!?" my husband asked wide eyed and baffled. "WHY would you do something like that? Don't you know you could get charged with public mischief?" he challenged. "For what?" I shot back "for gifting someone with a cute little birdie? I didn't damage or steal anything, I left them a gift... you can't get fined for THAT!" "Honey, you can't just sneak around at night, touching other people's belongings...." he went on. "Whatever!" I countered. "I didn't do anything illegal, I just left them a present...and it felt great! We HAVE to do that again..... as soon as I find another cute bird..."
So that's how it began. It has grown into something bigger than I imagined. We typically try to plant a new bird every two to three weeks or so. My regular midnight accomplice is now my Teenager. She does the deed and I drive the get a way car. We sneak out to the Pathetic Bird (yes we all still call him that, but it has become his pet name now, not an insult) and fasten whatever new treasure of a bird I have found to add to our collection. No we have not been caught.... yet, and yes the home owner LOVES this charade. How do we know for sure? Well, the bird post was getting a little crowded. We were trying to find creative ways of securing the birds with limited space when we drove by one day and realized the home owner had made an adjustment to the post. She had taken two squares of wooden parquet flooring and secured it to the top of the post and fastened the birds on top of that, giving them more room, and leaving us with more room to add more feathered friends.
We were very excited upon discovering the improvement. The only problem was, when The Teenager tried to staple a new bird to the board in the darkness one night she realized the wooden squares were flimsy and not very secure. She did manage to secure the bird but we vowed to make a better platform for this pathetic bird and his friends. A few weeks later when the Teenager strolled in from work late in the evening I excitedly guided her to the garage where I had been preparing for a midnight car ride to a dark side road. My loving husband helped me cut a new pine plank to use as a base for Pathetic Bird and his buddies, (so much for worrying about our criminal records) he even helped me get the screws started into the wood to make the Teenager's task a little easier in the darkness, after all, a cordless drill, staple gun, and new bird are quite the armload to carry into the shadows at the side of the road, while trying to be discreet and unseen. We discussed our plan and loaded the tools into the vehicle. As we approached the dirt road intersection I turned the corner and pulled off the road to our "usual" place. I instructed the Teenager to go to the post and remove the old parquet planks, birds and all and bring them back to the vehicle so we could fasten them to the new board before securing the new board to the post. It seemed easy enough.... but the traffic was a little heavy that night, pretty odd for an old dirt road after midnight, and the Teenager kept having to drop the tools and run for cover into the bushes until the cars passed by. I wondered aloud what was taking her so long as I pretended to use my cell phone while pulled over at the side of the road, hoping no 'good Samaritans' would stop to ask if I needed help. She eventually came creeping through the tall grass to the side of the vehicle. "Get in quick, what took you so long?" I whispered. "It was stuck, really stuck." she complained. "I had a hard time pulling it off the post, and then all the crazy traffic kept me diving back into the bushes, where the heck did all those cars come from?" Ok, lets just get this done fast, before we're discovered." I rushed on. We removed the birds from the old board and reassembled them onto the new board, securing them with staples and wire.
We added a new bird to the group and then the Teenager went out into the darkness armed with the family of birds on the new pine plank and power tools. "Be careful!" I whispered after her. Quite a few minutes later she throws open the door breathlessly hissing "That was close! The traffic is still bad, and that drill is so LOUD!" We drove off down the side road basking in the adrenaline rush we've come to enjoy after "planting a new bird" in the night. "I have a great idea for our next one..." I sigh as we head for home.

~Here Are a Few Funnies From Our House To Yours~

* While Grandma was preparing supper Daniel wandered into the kitchen. He gasped loudly and exclaimed "POISON SAUCE??? You're putting POISON sauce in our food?!?!"
(the bottle said Hoison Sauce)
* Nicholas approached me one afternoon, "Know what I don't understand Mom? People call other people 'Red Necks', when they don't even HAVE a red neck.... what colour is YOUR neck Mom?"
* While discussing our family tree it was mentioned that Daddy's Grandma died back in 1982. "Was that back in the black and white times Mom?" inquired Shane.
* The Baby can't have gluten or dairy. "I'm allergich" she tells people.
* While discussing seasonal allergies with Nicholas, Little Susan contributes "My nose is runny am I allergic to summer?"
* While getting dressed in the morning I reminded the Baby to change her panties. "Why?" she questioned "Is there butt juice on them?"
* As Grandma prepared dinner one evening Shane happened into the kitchen. "GASP! We're having LION for supper?!?!? He asked with wild excitement. "What?" said Dad, a little taken aback. "LION, we're having LION for supper" Shane screamed again as he pointed to the package of PORK LOIN on the kitchen counter. hahahaha
* I think my grandchildren are; how should I put this? "getting used to" the fact that Grandma has a lung condition. To them my oxygen is just a part of Grandma and who she is. This was confirmed at dinner the other day when (Daddy was out) grand daughter Susan had asked me if I had made anything 'crafty' for Father's Day like she had. I replied "No, because my daddy is in heaven with Jesus." Grandson Nicholas asked innocently "What did he die from?" "Well," I replied "He had kind of the same thing that Grandma has." Astonished and puzzled he questioningly stated "Arthritis?!?"

~Subscribers Stories~

Do you have a funny or cute story to share? Want to have it included in our Subscribers Stories section of our Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I'll have it included in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

* Elijah was learning about the "Bubonic plague" at school today and he said it was called the "Platonic plague" I guess they were really close friends! Lol
Submitted By Cherie B, Chatham

Join our mailing list and receive updates each time we post a new entry. Share this with your family and friends or post it to your Face Book profile.
Lucy :)

Monday, September 9, 2013

"OH LOOK! He's having babies on my fries!"

I was sitting in a local restaurant with Grandma, the Teenager, and The Baby. The sun was shining brightly through the window blinds, warming up the table top while we waited for our lunch to be served.  The baby was happily feasting on her french fries that had already arrived when I noticed an all too familiar sight. There was a fly buzzing around the table and it kept landing on her fries. The Baby thinks that all flies are her friends. She has ALWAYS believed this, from as far back as I can remember. They seem to follow her everywhere (especially in her earlier years when she always smelled like poop)  So, flies are her friends and she often gets upset when we swat them away. She gets down right nasty when we pull the fly swatter out! "Don't kill it!" she yells "he's my friend, he loves me."
There is one fly in particular who travels in the van with us, he sits on the ceiling near the Baby's car seat and she talks to it like it's her best buddy.  Anyway, in the restaurant this "friendly fly" kept landing on her french fries. I swatted at it to shoo it away. "Don't kill it!" she yelled loudly as everyone turned to look at us. "Don't let him land on your food baby." I reasoned with her. A few minutes later she squealed with delight. "OH LOOK! He's having babies on my fries!" My eyes grew wide as I stared at my Teenager next to me. 'Oh look it - there's one..." the Baby cooed.  Oh dear Lord! If it wouldn't have been too obvious I would have crawled under the table right there to escape the scrutinizing stares of the restaurant patrons. "Alright girls," I managed "it's time to go!"

~ Here's a Few Funnies From our House to Yours ~ 
* "Aunt Kim drives an ambiance" says the baby.

* "Was that a BJ?" asked the Baby. "That WAS a BJ!" She squealed. (found out later a BJ is a blue jay, Oh silly Mama)

*The Baby just finished brushing her teeth. "Smell my BRESS (haaaaaa, she suddenly breathes in my face) it don't stinks, it smells tasty!" she states.

*Nicholas was learning about 'political parties of Canada' at school. On his paper he wrote: John A Macdonald, 1815-1891, Conservative Party. Then he looked up at me in all seriousness and asked "Mom, did John A Macdonald have a farm?"

*Grandma had been rubbing The baby's belly on the couch. The baby was appreciative but a little concerned. "Grandma your hands are all ripped up." she informed her. (rough and dry)

*Grandma and the Baby were sitting on the couch together. When Grandma would stretch or move her ankles would crack or her neck would crack. Grandma claimed it was her "old bones." The Baby became alarmed and said "I have calcium chews for strong bones, I don't want to be Grandma."

*At the dinner table on night the Baby exclaimed "I have lots of broccoli in my bum .... I smell it"

*Daddy was sitting in his chair without a shirt on. The Baby began giggling and pointed at daddy. "I see you boobies! You got little boobies like me and Grandma!"

*While doing homework Daniel proudly exclaimed " I got Emma's phone number today." Nicholas looked at him with a weird expression on his face and countered "Why do you want a GIRL'S phone number? That's just creepy!"

* I overheard some of my kiddos singing a song rather loudly in the kitchen "save a horse, ride a cowboy...." The Nicholas hollered to me and asked "Mom, what does that even mean? Why do you want to save a horse and how can you ride a cowboy?!?"
~Subscribers Stories~
Do you have a funny or cute story to share? Want to have it included in our Subscribers Stories section of our Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I'll have it included in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

* I just told the kids they could go visit our elderly neighbour down the street. Nick says "I am surprised she's still alive" Gabby says "Don't you know people who are really nice live for a long time?" Nick says "It doesn't mean they are nice, they are just healthy!"

Submitted by Veronica A. Windsor, Ontario

* Penelope (our cat) is in constant heat. The kids ask why she makes that noise and is always rubbing against things? I just nicely tell them that its because she wants to have babies. They have adapted and move on.

Today she was being particularly affectionate toward the 24 box of KD, and purring like crazy to which Harley replies "No Pennel, you cannot have Kraft Dinner babies. You won't know if you should eat them or love them."
Submitted by Roxanne Lock Chatham, Ontario

Join our mailing list and receive updates each time we post a new entry. Share this blog with your family and friends or post it to your Face Book profile.


Thursday, May 30, 2013

There are few things more humbling than getting naked in a public change room....

There are few things more humbling than getting naked in a public change room..... hey, here`s one of those things.....
We like to take our whole herd of kiddlings to the YMCA on Friday nights. (Well `like` is a strong word, we have determined to take them each week might better describe our intention) As much as we`d love to have an out-of-this-world adventure with our little ones each time we pile into two separate vehicles to go anywhere fun, outings like this are never what you imagine them to be and fun isn`t really the word I would choose to label it. Before we even leave the house the tension level is high....and climbing.
"Do you have your bathing suits and towels? Leave your brother alone! Did you remember your swipy card thingy? Don't forget a hair brush girls, oh and  pony tails to pull your hair back. Did you get The Baby's towel while you were getting yours? Stop hitting your brother! Do you boys have deodorant in your gym bags? Clean underwear! Don't forget clean underwear! I said STOP hitting your brother! Where's your father anyway? Why do you still have wet clothes in your bag from last week? Nicholas! Remember to bring your ear plugs honey. Oh dear Lord, did I forget to shave again!?! If I have to tell you to leave your brother alone again you're not coming! Don't forget your locks, let's go, Dad is waiting in the driveway. Does everyone have their gym bags? Are we ready? lets go!"
{Divide seven children and all their gym bags & swim gear up between two vehicles. The boys ride with Dad in the Jeep of course....way cooler than the mini van}
The lady behind the desk at the YMCA pasted on her best "Welcome to the Y" smile as she saw the herd approaching....but you could see the fear in her eyes. "I get to swipe my card first!" whines one,  No I do!" shouts another. "Mine doesn't work!" cries a boy...or is that a girl? "Turn it around" corrects Dad. "No fair! He swiped his card two times, I only got to do it once, I want to do it again!" says the short blonde haired boy. "Give. me. those . cards,  I'll  . do  .  it!"  I hiss through gritted teeth. "Whose bright idea was this anyway?" I think to myself as I swipe each child's membership card through the card reader.
The kind lady behind the desk continues to smile (perhaps it's a grimace) as we gather the children and head toward the change rooms. Dad takes the boys and Mom takes the girls, although they have a "family change room" we couldn't handle it...... someone would get hurt.
"Okay hon, I'll see you in the pool in a while, you can handle the kids can't you? I want to get my work out in first" I add quickly as I disappear through the doorway into the ladies locker room.  Once the girls are changed into their swim suits and showered I usher them toward the swimming pool to find Dad and make a hasty retreat to the gym. "Ahhhh, peace and quiet." Well if you consider a couple dozen sweaty, grunting people huffing and puffing their way through their personal workout programs solitude.... I do. I no longer have the energy to chase my wild 4 year old through the house when she's on a terrorist mission but I can kick butt on the elliptical for 30 minutes with a smile on my face.
And before you know it my work out is done and I have to wander back to the swimming pool area to join my Husband and children. What's this? The kiddlings are toweling off and heading to the change rooms. "Oh dear, that workout took a little longer than I expected." I coyly whined to my husband, "I'm sorry I couldn't join you guys....did you have fun swimming?" The "are you kidding me" look he shot back spoke volumes. "Come on girls, let's go shower and change" I said brightly as I redirected the girls to the locker room.
The Teenager, Little Susan and Latoya can take care of themselves in the change room. The Baby on the other hand requires hands-on supervision at all times to restrain her from climbing under bathroom stall doors or bursting through plastic shower curtains scaring unsuspecting ladies in mid-shower. So into the shower we go. Together. She is mildly entertained by the water rushing down the drain and the shampoo bubbles splattering on the floor. When she looks up and takes a step back with a wide grin on her face I know I'm in for some pre schooler scrutiny. "I see your bum." she says matter of factly. "It looks funny." "Thanks Baby," I reply "I grew it myself." She laughs at me as she inches closer with the loofa sponge. "I'm gonna wash you" she says with a smile. "No thanks hon, I got this" I inform her as I grab the loofa and put shampoo in her hair.... that will keep her busy. Minutes later in the locker room we are drying off and trying to wiggle our still damp bodies into our clothes when I notice Latoya watching me dress with an odd expression on her face. I turned my back to her and continued to manipulate myself into my clothes. I was having difficulty with my bra when I noticed her staring again. "Latoya, don't stare, it's rude!" I chastened. "Mama, can I ask you something?" she said in a somewhat embarrassed but awe filled voice. "Sure honey, what is it?" I casually replied, still fussing with my undergarment. "Are they supposed to do that? she said in wonder.
I readjusted myself and looked at her and realized she was staring in horror at my bra."Are what supposed to do what?" I inquired. Cautiously she said "Are they supposed to fold back up like that when you put your bra on?
Well..... what can you say to that?

~Here's a Few Funnies From our House to ours~

Shane approached me in the kitchen and said "Mom, my glasses feel really soft (light." "What do you mean Buddy?" I replied. "I can't even feel them on." he said excitedly. "You don't have them on....." I informed him. "Oh." he said as he reached up to feel for them and noticed they weren't there.

The Baby announced loudly "I got cheese in my butt and I'm gonna fart!" Little Susan clarified it for the onlookers by explaining that the Baby had too much cheese the night before.

The Baby was laying in her bed looking at books during "quiet time" (her alternative to nap time). Suddenly I heard her belting out "I'm sexy and I know it...." in her loudest singing voice. {Where do they come up with this stuff?!?}

~Subscribers Stories~
Do you have a funny or cute story to share? Want to have it included in our Subscribers Stories section of our Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I'll have it included in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

Too funny.... The doctor just told gabby she wanted to check her nerve so gabby says "what's a nerve? Is that the thing inside you that gets you angry?"
I think she has heard me say you are getting on my nerves a few to many times.
Submitted by Veronica A from Windsor

Join our mailing list and receive regular updates each time we post a new entry.  Share this blog with your family and friends or post it to your Face Book profile.

Lovin' the sunshine today, be blessed!

Monday, March 18, 2013

You Know it's Love "Wen"....

It's about this time of year my husband and I begin to prepare our annual "marriage enrichment classes" for church. We've used the same material for more than five years now and felt it was time for something fresh so we browsed a ton of "marriage books" and finally came across a faith-based "small group" type of study we felt spoke to REAL couples living out this thing called marriage in 2013.{ REAL Marriage, The truth about sex, friendship, and life together by Mark & Grace Driscoll.} It's also about this time of year that we tend to get (feisty, cranky, self righteous) on each other's nerves a little quicker, have a little less patience with one another, and seem to disagree a little more often.... maybe it's just me, or maybe it's the content of the marriage books that bring out "the good, the bad, and the ugly" in both of us. Nothing's more humbling (or annoying) than realizing "you're not all that" and that you may have a few flaws to work through :) Regardless of the perilous preparation, we love presenting the marriage classes to couples at church and not just for their benefit... it helps us remain connected and keeps us teachable. We are real people working through a real marriage (yes sometimes it IS work) and these annual marriage classes are just the thing to keep us from becoming self-centered Divas while we learn to minister to our spouse and honor Christ throughout our marital journey. Does it really work??? Of course it does..... One night after the herd was all tucked into their beds and Grandma had retired to her room for the evening, we were laying in bed
together.... well, I was sprawled across the end of the bed playing candy crush on the tablet and he was tucked under the covers watching television through one eye (the other one was ""resting")...anyway, an infomercial came on for the 'WEN healthy hair care system'. I watched the infomercial for a bit and commented out loud that "I had always wanted to try that stuff to see if it really did all it claimed to do...." a few minutes later my husband slid out of bed and left the room, returning a moment later with the telephone in one hand and his credit card in the other. I stopped him as he began dialing the phone. "Who are you calling?" I asked (my heart swelling with love for this man who constantly surprises me in so many ways) "I'm calling to get you the hair stuff you always wanted...." he replied as he continued to dial. 'No, no, stop...I don't want it." I stammered as he looked at me bewildered (he looks at me like that often) "I thought you said you wanted it?" he offered. "No, I don't need was just something I wondered about and thought I might like, I really don't need it....thank you though - that's very thoughtful" He hung up the phone, shrugged and put his credit card back in his wallet and slid back under the covers..... "good night hon, I love you" he said. And I knew he did (love me) because he HEARD me..... I can't tell you how wonderfully loved that made me feel. That one incident spoke volumes to me.  He HEARD me, he really heard me - and he wanted to do something about it.... I LOVE that guy :)

~ Here's A Few Funnies From Our House To Yours ~

*The Baby noticed my heart tattoo on my chest when my shirt shifted to one side. She was very intrigued and asked if she could have it. I tried to explain to her that it was in my skin and couldn't come off. I could tell that she obviously didn't understand what I was saying to her because she excitedly shot back "Mama, you can take it off with scissors!"

* At 6 am I heard her (The Baby) calling so I stumbled out of bed and opened the door to her room. "I called you and you comed" she said incredulously "You love me!" hahaha

* Laying in bed with a cool cloth on her head, The Baby called to me. "Can you take my TENT A PUR?" she asked. (temperature)

* Latoya was busy playing a game on the tablet with her siblings hovering around watching when she announced "I really don't like people crowding around when I am trying to do something. That's how I get EXTRACTED." (distracted)

* On the way home from church I had to stop at the store for a few things. As I pulled out onto the road and began driving home I opened a flavoured water and set it in the cup holder. I noticed the quiet hush settle over the van and looked in the rear view mirror to see what the girls were up too. I noticed them staring at me with an odd look of concern in their eyes. Latoya and Little Susan were sitting close to each other whispering. As I contemplated their weird behaviour I grabbed the bottle of water and took a drink. Someone gasped! "Mommy, are you allowed to do that" Latoya asked sheepishly. "Do what?" I replied. "Drink and drive?" she questioned. "What???" I stammered. "What did Justin Bieber go to jail for? wasn't it drinking and driving?" she questioned me further. "Yes Latoya, but that was for drinking ALCOHOL and then driving. You can't drink alcohol and then drive." I quickly explained trying to hide my grin.  "Oh" She said with noticeable relief. "So it's okay to drink water, and milk, and pop, and juice while you drive but not AKAHUL." She summarized.

~ Subscribers Stories ~

Do you have a funny or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of our Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I' ll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

*. I was showing Gabby my abs and asked if she could see the definition line starting (hopeful thinking on my part ) and she pointed to a stretch mark and said " No Mom, but I see this one real good".
Submitted by Veronica A. from Windsor

~ Join Our Mailing List ~

Join our mailing list and receive regular updates as soon as we post a new entry.  Just add your name and email address in the 'join the mailing list' section on the right hand side of this page. Regular updates will be sent right to your email inbox. Don't keep this to yourself, share this blog with your family and friends or post it to your Face Book profile. (Just click the Face Book button on the right hand side)

Make the best of this cool weather and enjoy cuddling with the one you love!

Monday, December 31, 2012

Baby Jesus in the Cheese Grater.

The holidays are upon us. I don't even know where the past two months went. The last thing I remember was preparing for the harvest Party at church at the end of October and suddenly Christmas is here and the New Year is right behind it. Where does the time go?!?!? I want to take the opportunity to wish all my Fish Bowl readers a very Merry Christmas season. I pray an abundance of blessings, wisdom, health and happiness for you all in the New Year.
Having seven kiddlings, I need to be very organized and extra stealthy at this time of year. Every present brought into the house must be wrapped and gift tagged immediately then hidden away from little prying eyes. I thought this year was going to be the very best yet as I finally had a CLOSET, not just any closet but a SUPER CLOSET! When we had the addition built we had a large closet put in along the length of one wall to house all our clothing, especially all my Diva's (Oops, I mean my husband's) clothes, and to provide a little more storage space.
This would be the perfect place to hide the little darlings Christmas gifts....or so I thought! I was amazed at how much stuff I was able to neatly stack in the closet. The shelf is wide and much room! But during lunch one afternoon Grandma and I sat in the kitchen chatting over a sandwich when suddenly...CRASH!!!! "What the heck was that?!" We both hollered as we ran toward the bedrooms. She darted to her room and I investigated mine. I threw open the closet door to find...... a mess!
I am not sure if it was contractor error, organizer error, or a combination of the two but I was not thrilled with having to re wrap and re organize my stash of gifts.
I woke up at 5:45 am one morning to an odd sound in the distance. "Clink, clink, clink, clink." It was a soft metallic type of sound and I couldn't quite figure out what it was. I slipped out of bed and quietly crept down the hall toward the source of the sound. My heart sunk when I noticed the Baby's bedroom door was ajar. The gate was still locked but she was not in her room. Someone had forgotten to chain her door at bedtime and she had climbed the gate and escaped. I ran for the source of the noise knowing whatever it was, she would be the cause of it. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen I saw her. Sitting on the floor in the dim light of the early morning, her back against the cupboards, and the bottom drawer pulled all the way out.
She was dropping plastic nativity scene figures, piece by piece into the cheese grater. "Clink, clink, clink...." The rhythmic sound of the plastic hitting the metal of the grater was soothing to her and held her attention. In her left hand she held a small wax birthday cake (that's been in the family since I was little). When she looked up and noticed me she held the wax cake out as if offering it to me. "I bit it" she said "here, smell my breath."  I giggled to myself and breathed a sigh of relief. She could have wandered anywhere in the house getting into all sorts of trouble as we slept but instead here she was safe and sound in the kitchen playing with baby Jesus in the cheese grater.
I felt very grateful (no pun intended). That seems to be the theme for me this year... gratefulness. For all the things I have AND for all the things I don't have, I am grateful.
I'm sure I am not alone in my mindset this time of year. This is the season to look back and reminisce and then to look ahead and dream. At least it is for me :)
In my reminiscing I went back throughout the past two years in my blog posts and spent a lot of time laughing out loud over the memories stored there. I thought it would be fun for my Fish Bowl readers to "go back" there too and share a few laughs with me so I designed another cool CONTEST!!!! Yes, you heard it right... the final Fish Bowl CONTEST of 2012. Win a Napoleon Dynamite DVD!!!!!
Here are the details:
* The contest will run from now (Monday December 31, 2012) through midnight of Sunday January 6th, 2013.
* The contest winner will be notified of their win and will receive their prize immediately. Their identity will be published in the next Fish Bowl blog post.
* Listed below are ten phrases. Each phrase can be found in one of the previously archived Fish Bowl Blog posts. The archived listing of posts can be found on the right hand side of the page under "Archives".
* Search the past Fish Bowl posts to find the 10 phrases listed and let us know where you found them (either the title of the post or the date the post was published). Example: 1. "Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, Across the carpet. BANG." your answer would be #1. December 6, 2012.
* Post your answers in the comment section below or email them to me. Be sure to include your name and email address.
* To win, you must find all 10 phrases and their correct locations All correct entries received by the deadline will be entered into a draw for the Prize (a Napoleon Dynamite DVD). The draw will take place on January 6th, 2013 at midnight.

Phrases to Find
1. "Mom, come quick!  Susan and Latoya have their pants off and they're pooping in the snow!"
2. "Mom did it .... I saw her." Shouted a little one. "Daddy's gonna be maaaaaad."
3. I didn't even say those bad words that pop into your head and out of your mouth before you can hold them back in situations such as this.
4. A "pack of children" is much like a pack of wild dogs. They move as one. When one of them gets a bright idea, they all move together to carry it out.
5. It was the same kind of look in his eyes that he had the morning after his "big operation" when he bent down to clean himself and realized "something wasn't quite right."....
6. "Ewww, that's so gross! They're spreading germs!" and another screams "Look - he's eating her face!"
7. "....I wouldn't have changed a thing about how I became their mom, I am just so thankful that I am."
8. What I really would have preferred was a quiet sunrise in a dew covered duck blind cuddled up next to My Hunter waiting with great anticipation....
9. then he'll scream like a girl when he pulls the visor down and the pixie falls on to his lap.
10. My husband drew closer to me and with a hint of sarcasm in his voice said "Hey Babe, I have an idea, let's have seven kids!" Then he rolled over and pulled the covers over his head. 

*Here's a Few Funnies From Our House to Yours*

* Teenager: Baby, you need to eat your food! Hurry up!
   The Baby: (sticks pointer finger at the Teenager) Don't you get lippy with me lady!
   Teenager: Eat your food Baby!
   The Baby: Don't raise your voice at me Teenager!

*The Baby comes home from school and announces to everyone that she likes to play the P-NANO now. (piano)

*The Baby likes to cuddle with Daddy. One day as she sits on his lap gazing into his eyes she points to a small skin tag on his eye lid. "It's a nipple!" she squeals with glee.

* Our dogs were recently breeding and the Baby happened to catch a view of the action. She got very excited and cheered them on. "Good girl Emma! You're doing it! Look it! Good boy Buzzy!  He's helping her get the babies out." she explained

*The Baby noticed that a light bulb had burnt out in the kitchen. :Mommy, the batteries runned out!" she exclaimed.

*The baby was sitting with Daddy. She reached over and patted his belly. "You've got a big belly Daddy." "Yup." he said flatly. "You gonna have a baby?" she inquired innocently. 

*As we wandered down the produce aisle I pointed out several fruits and veggies to the Baby. "Do you know what this is?" I asked as she shook her head no. "It's a zucchini" I informed her. "I have a zucchini" she said with animation "it's my bathing suit."

*The Baby was talking to Grandma while eating. She began pointing and giggling. "Grandma you have crumpled faces" she said as she pointed to the wrinkles around Grandma's lips. 

Subscribers Stories

Introducing a new area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I 'll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

* We were in line at Shoppers and Gabby decides to run to the front of the store and redecorate their tree and "fix" the tree skirt. Of course I'm telling her to leave it alone and get back in line and she says "What are they thinking, they can't expect Santa to come unless the tree is perfect." (This is my niece and I had to share with all my co-workers)
Submitted by Corrine S, Windsor, Ontario

Join our mailing list

Join our mailing list and receive regular updates as soon as we post a new entry. Just add your name and email address in the "join the mailing list" section on the right hand side. Regular updates will be delivered right to your email inbox.
Don't keep this to yourself....share this blog with your family and friends or post it to your Face Book profile (just click the Face Book button on the right hand side.)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ~ Be Blessed,