Thursday, December 6, 2012

I move around with great stealth, like a ninja in my own home - trying not to be seen

I stretch and yawn and roll over in my bed still warm  and groggy from a cozy night's sleep. I slide out from under the covers and let my feet dangle over the side of the bed letting my eyes adjust to the darkness as I search for my well-worn wool slippers. I slip out of the bedroom soundlessly taking care not to awaken my husband. I NEED to stop in to the bathroom for a nature call, it IS first thing in the morning after all but how to do it without waking HER? 'Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle' across the carpet 'BANG' I hit the edge of the doorway with my knee! "Ooooooh" I moan inwardly as I feel my way along the wall, across the counter and sink and finally over to the toilet. I move around with great stealth, like a ninja in my own home - trying not to be seen.  "This would be so much easier to do with the lights on" I reason with myself. As I settle down onto the seat I peer out the bathroom blinds anxiously I can feel that familiar anxiety crawling up my spine. Listening so intently I wash my hands and creep out of the dark bathroom toward the kitchen. "BANG!" Stupid chair...who left that out? As I quietly creep toward the kitchen (rubbing my shin) I avoid walking past the windows. Ever so quietly I reach for the dimmer switch and pause. "I can't turn it on...she'll see it. But I need to be able to see to get the coffee going and the kids lunches made...." I compromise with myself and turn the light on 'just a little bit.' I listen intently and breathe a sigh of relief.... "Phew, nothing....." I'm feeling a little daring so I turn the light switch up a little more basking the room in a faint but warm glow. Just as I pull my hand away from the switch THERE IT IS! That noise that send shivers down my spine and wakes up every nerve in my body. From outside in the darkness the beast is stirring, the sound of nails on a chalk board might be more desirous than this.
It doesn't matter how quiet I am, how long I creep around in the dark (in my own home) and avoid turning on the lights or how still and away from the windows I stand, she always hears it and at about 6:30 am every morning she lets out those terrifying sounds guaranteed to send the wild coyotes running for cover. She's smart....she can tell time by watching the sun rise.... the slightest sound or movement from inside the house sends her into a frenzied fit of braying certain to wake up all the neighbours within a five mile radius.  I am hoping to catch my neighbours grand kids visiting across the road this weekend. I want to offer them some pony rides and "make friends" just to stay on their good side and head off any noise complaints. In any case, I will make a point of introducing them to Jenny, our beautiful miniature donkey in hopes that they will come to love her as much as we do and just perhaps politely tolerate her early morning wake up calls :)
I may hold off on letting them know that Jenny is pregnant and that sometime in July we expect another pretty little "noise maker" to join our family!

*Here's a Few Funnies From Our House to Yours*

* The Teenager recently had knee surgery. I had an audience of kiddlings while I changed her bandages one afternoon.  They ooohed and ahhed and gagged a bit here and there. When I was finished I overheard Little Susan saying to the Teenager "I miss your regular knee."

* The Baby was trying to befriend Buzzy, our young Shih Tzu pup. I scratched his chest and said "here honey, pet him like this..." and modeled how she should gently scratch him on the chest. She caught on quickly and was delighted that Buzzy sat still to receive her affection. "Look Mama, I'm rubbing his nipple" she said gleefully as she patted his pointy sternum bone on his chest.
Who taught her these words? Why can't she just KNOW them? Why does she have to USE them? I guess I am the guilty party. I believe in truth. Now don't shoot me...but none of my children believe in Santa either. I never could see the point of trying to convince my sweet innocent toddlers to sit on the lap of a fat old guy for the promise of gifts or candy... I mean we teach them NOT to sit on stranger's laps and NOT to take candy from strangers don't we? I guess I just figured I'd have a harder time convincing them that God is real if I lied to them about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.... So I guess you could say I am big on truth. I always taught my kiddos the "real" names for body parts instead of sugar coating it and making up fake names for "uncomfortable  appendages." Who wants their kid going to school and during health class innocently mislabeling their body parts "the flower", "the secret place" , or "the birdies nest"? I don't want my kiddlings to sound uneducated and I certainly don't want them being teased  for using odd names for body parts. So I choose to use proper names for body parts as soon as they start asking that all important question..."whats that?" But sometimes that "truth" backfires and causes embarrassment .... like the day we were having lunch at Montanna's in Windsor. The Baby overheard Uncle Tom talking to Daddy about "China." Well she got a funny look on her face and she started questioning rather loudly in a crowded restaurant "Why was Uncle Tom talkin' 'bout ginas?" She is persistent and we tried to ignore her but she wouldn't have it. She needed to know... "Gina? Gina? Why is he talkin' 'bout ginas?" Over and over again she questioned. Needless to say Uncle Tom hasn't invited us out to lunch since then.

* Little Susan and the Baby were playing with their chapsticks one day. I guess they were sharing with each other. "Mommy, our chapsticks are the same appetite (flavour) said Little Susan.

* I overheard Little Susan explaining an important life lesson to the Baby. "The Barn cat had kittens," she said. "The mama cat laid eggs and the kittens came out."

* Little Susan came home and told me about having her teeth checked at school.  "Mommy my teeth are good, they said I have no calories!" she proudly exclaimed.

* The Baby likes the smell of my "doty-rint" (deodorant)

Subscribers Stories
Introducing a new area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I 'll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

*I'm sitting at swimming lessons when I went to smell the tube of hand cream that Hannah left in my bag and accidentally shot some up my nose. I don't know if everyone else is just being polite or no one noticed. Either way, i'm lol ing Good thing it smells good.
Submitted by Grace R

*Well I just discovered (a little too late, I might add) that one if my little angels covered the entire toilet seat with... Toothpaste!?!? As I went to investigate farther, I found that the other toilet seat was also a target, leading me to believe that this could have been a team effort. Unfortunately, my main suspect is in lala land already, so I shall take my minty fresh butt to bed so I can be all energized to deal with this in the morning. Regardless, they're all in for a good hand scrubbing before breakfast!
Submitted by Grace R

*The awkward moment when you take out the graham cracker crumbs that have been in the cupboard for over a year & you tell your teen daughter to 'put out your hand' and proceed dump some into her palm then say now 'taste it with your tongue'..... And she touches her tongue to it, just barely and then says with fright 'WHAT'S THAT.... Bug!!' and I haven't been able to stop laughing or crying since!!! Priceless!!! (don't worry family, the desserts made last week were from a NEW package. Tonight I was just trying to use up the old stuff.) this is a moment neither of us will ever forget!!! For completely opposite reasons... But that doesn't matter :)
Submitted By Kimberly L, LaSalle

Blowing Bubbles About....

This week we're blowing bubbles about Grocery Shopping 4 You.
Located in Chatham, Ontario. Owned and operated by Kirk Dawes. 
Providing personalized grocery shopping and delivery from your favourite stores. We you don't have to! Serving the Chatham, Blenheim, Dresden, Ridgetown, Tilbury, Wallaceburg areas.
You can also check them out on Face Book.
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Merry Christmas ~ Be Blessed,


  1. A donkey!! well Easter is coming :-)you can use her in your Easter play! and a baby! you guys are so cool! I have got to get there! you're better than the Zoo! it is quite the sound she makes. my my . cute in it's own way ;-) God bless! you are amazing!

  2. Thanks for the comment Lynn...Merry Christmas to you! We should get together soon...when are you available? We have baby goats ready to be born any day now - you'd love to see that!
    Bless you, love you,