Wednesday, January 12, 2011

"The boys like ME, not my hair!"

Friday was such an exciting day at our house! I decided it was time to move The Baby to a "big girl" bed so I converted her crib to a toddler bed. She was so excited with this new found independence. She tucked her Teddy Bear in (and out and in and out) of bed a few dozen times, pausing to kiss his fuzzy nose (then rub it on her lips - remember she likes to rub soft fuzzy things on her lips?). She would turn on the bedtime music for her Teddy and pretend to leave the room. Then run back to the bed and pick him up and say "Mornin'" and start it all over again. She thought it was great fun to have a "big girl" bed..... until bedtime that is.
We have a babygate in the doorway of her bedroom so she can still open and close her door but cannot freely roam the house without supervision. I put her into her big girl bed and turned to leave the room I could hear her throwing back her blankets and crawling out of the bed before I even reached the door. I looked over my shoulder and told her (in a firm voice) to "get back into bed" and she scrambled back into bed and peeked out at me from under her blanket.... with a grin on her face..... Oh no, this was going to be a game. I could see it already. I kissed her forehead and made for the door. She was quick and almost beat me there. "Get back into bed!" I implored. The Baby ran back to her bed and stood next to it with a leg raised as if she were "really" going to crawl in bed like the precious obedient Baby girl that she is.... the playful defiance on her face let me know that she had no intention of settling easily for the night. I picked her up and tucked her in once more and firmly told her to "stay in bed." I walked backward toward the door keeping my eyes fixed on her and her tense little fists grasping the edge of the blanket, ready to throw back the covers and spring from the bed as soon as I turned my back on her .... so I didn't. I stepped out of the room, still facing her and closed the door and latched the baby gate.
I could hear her escaping the bed once again and running for the door. I hid in my bedroom (next door to hers) and listened as she opened her door, tried to unlatch the gate and called for me. "Mama? ...... Maaaama. (Where) are you?" she called teasingly.  The door closed again and I ran from my room toward the kitchen. I heard the bedroom door handle wiggling so I ducked into the bathroom .... just in time.... she opened the door again. "Mama?" she called questioningly. The door closed again and I made a run for it. I got to the kitchen and listened intently for her..... nothing. I waited a minute more and listened closely but all I could hear was my own heart beat. "I poked my head around the corner to look toward her room and to my surprise there she was, standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. "Mama!" she said excitedly. "Get back to your bed!" I ordered desperately. She slammed the door closed and I could hear the thump, thump, thump of her little feet running across the bedroom floor. I resigned to letting her run around the room until she wore herself out and fell asleep on her own, and went downstairs to watch television with my Husband. On our way to bed we stopped by the girl's room and peeked in. There she was curled up on her bed with the blankets around her, sleeping like an angel. "Maybe this transition was going to be easier than I thought?" I encouraged myself.  I should have known better than to think optimistically out loud. The very next day all that optimism came back to bite me in the butt.
Getting the Baby to lay down for naptime was just as difficult as it was to get her to go to bed the night before. I had to walk away and let her settle herself as it had just become a game to her. Finally.... after more than thirty minutes the room was quiet - not a peep. I wanted to peek my head into the room to check on her and make sure she made it back into bed but decided against it - waking her and having to start the process all over again was far too risky. So I ignored my motherly instinct that screamed inside me "OPEN THE DOOR - QUICKLY!" and busied myself with housework and other things I can't adequately do when she's awake and under foot. Until I heard a tiny voice from behind the door quietly exclaim ...... "Uh Oh...... Ewwww." I ran for the door leaping over the dog and pushing aside a chair on the way.
When I threw open the door I was shocked and a little numb at what I found. There she was in all her nakedness standing in the corner of the room grinning from ear to ear ..... but wait .... what was THAT all over her little pink body...... and what was THAT all over the bedroom carpet, and the blankets, and the wall, and the door, and the toys, and Teddy? What WAS that???? The the smell hit me. And instantly I knew. It was poo. The Baby had to do what babies do, and we had been testing out the potty here and there .... well she decided she didn't want to make a mess in her diaper .... so she took it off - and did her business right there on the bedroom floor. That would have been bad enough but she must have tried to "hide the evidence"???? She put on her sister's slippers and stomped on the pile, squashing it into the carpet. It mustn't have been enough for her because she took off those slippers and stepped on the pile in her bare feet ... then walked all over the bedroom tracking poop prints from one end of the room to the other. I am not sure how it got all over her hands and arms and up her legs, but eventually it got onto the toys, blankets and anything else within reach. What a stinky mess.... and now because we were cribless, I had no where to contain the little darling while I cleaned up the offensive clutter. She needed a bath desperately but the bathtub was in use - I had been soaking my window blinds in the tub and still hadn't finished scrubbing them clean. I quickly fastened a clean diaper to my dirty Baby then strapped her into her chair at the table. I had to clean the blinds, drain the tub and wash it out so I could bathe the Baby. By the time the tub was ready she had fallen asleep in her chair.
I took the opportunity to tackle her room. I steam cleaned the bedroom carpet twice and scrubbed the worst of it with a scrub brush and stain remover. I gingerly carried all the offensive items down to the laundry room and disinfected the walls, door, bed rails, and poor Mr. Teddy :(  She was still sleeping..... so I ran to the garage and pulled down the attic stairs and quickly made my way up to the attic storage to find the side of the crib we removed (only the day before) so I could refashion the Baby's crib before she woke up. I masterfully reassembled the crib then tidied the bedroom, hung the blinds back up in the living room, filled the tub, and disinfected and put away the steam cleaner before waking the Baby for her bath. She was not happy to have her sleep disturbed .... but by then I didn't care. I was not trying to win the popularity vote ... I just wanted my house put back in order and smelling clean again before the kids got off the bus and my Husband got home from work. Once the Baby was squeaky clean and fully clothed I deposited her into the crib (she looked shocked and insulted at being confined again, like she had been demoted or something) I took one more look around the room and gathered up the cleaning rags and scrub brush. My hair was unkempt and my clothes were disheveled. I was sweaty and sticky and didn't smell quite right. My Husband came in at that moment, saw me and said "What the heck happened to you? What have you been upto all day?" I just stared back at him in disbelief. I could not find words to describe my day so I said "The Baby won't be put back into a toddler bed until she is potty trained... no matter how long that takes!" and left it at that.
Here are a few funnies from our house to yours:

* When the Baby gets frustrated or angry she blows raspberries (spits). Well she was upset with me at lunch time because I wouldn't give her more until she had finished what she had. So she hollered at me and spit toward me. My supportive Husband was supressing laughter behind me. I used my "serious face" and told her to apologize for that. (yup, at 22 months old she knows what "apologize" means) "Sowwwwy" she said in her babyish voice - eyes looking down at her highchair tray. "Don't do that again." I scolded and turned to get her more sandwich. "Dammit!" she yelled. My Husband couldn't keep it together any longer and broke out in laughter. Which caused the Baby to repeat "it" over and over again (because it made Daddy laugh).
{"Dammit, by the way, is her way of saying "sandwich"} "Alright, enough!" I said to both of them in a stern voice. "Pllllbbbbtttt" She spits at me again ..... and my Husband starts laughing all over again.

* Our Baby is known as the "Incredible Escaping Baby." She has developed new 'seat belt unfastening skills' and keeps getting out her booster seat. She climbs out of the seat and onto the table, stands up reaching for the lights, kisses the wisemen (from our manger scene) and takes bites out of apples and puts them back in the fruit bowl. It had become so dangerous that we had to get her a new booster seat with different seat belts and a tray to prevent her from unlatching the belts and escaping. She was very upset by this at first and protested loudly. Now she's taken a differrent approach and thinks that she can sweet talk you into releasing her. She will get you to come hug her when she calls you and asks for "uggs" then she whispers in your ear "out please?" and gives you a big innocent smile and batts her eyelashes. She has not yet learned that manners don't get you everything.

* The Baby is really into having her boo boos kissed these days. If she stubs her toe while racing through the house she will run to you saying "Ooooooh 'Tisses' " and holding out the offended body part.
One night in the bath tub she slipped and hurt her bum. She began her "Ooooh's" and held her bottom while backing up toward me saying "tisses, tisses." I had to refuse. She was perplexed. I don't know if she was confused by my refusal or by my laughing hysterically.

* The Teenager got the little Girlies a Princess and the Frog bath set for Christmas. Recently after a bath, little Susan asked "When am I gonna turn into a frog?" I came to find out that the Teenager had told her that by using the green bubble bath she would turn into a frog ..... and being only 4 years old, she believed her.
And here are a few funnies from Grandma's Archives:

* 1980 - When we were out one night Melissa (6 years old) had been playing in the field and came home with two burrs stuck in her hair. Not wanting to wait until I returned home she chopped off one side of her beautiful long blonde curls. Not wanting her to ever do this again on her own I made a rather big deal out of it telling her that she should have waited for me to try another solution, now it looks terrible, etc. I made her wear it that way to school the next day. It didn't bother her one bit! She came home and stated that she didn't care about her hair because "The boys like ME, not my hair!"
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  1. lisa don't think that was nice of husband laghting at you when babie was spiting at you...he wouldn't like it if it happpened to him..spit is grose

  2. HAHAHAHA :-) Great job as always hon! I wish you had time to write a book! Love you!

  3. Lisa.. you my dear, absolutely have to write children's books in the future! We need to find you an illustrator. They would sell off the shelf! I would have just sat down and cried when I walked in that room! Bravo for you putting the railing back up.. til she's 18 if she keeps that up.. lol You are my hero Lis.. hang in there. it will get better.. :-) hugs.

  4. ugh. i don't do computer well.. it was me Lisa . Lynn.. let me try this again! actually I'll to use anonymous again. I can't figure it out.. but now you know it was me :-)

  5. Too funny and naughty Hubby!!! lol My hubby laughs when our kids do things too . Our oldest used to swear his own poo on the walls if he woke up from his nap and didnt call for you...He was quiet about it too. This happened more than once. He thought it great fun , we did not. Our middle child only did it once and unfortunately put his dirty hand in his own mouth before i cold grab his hand....that was the end of that. Our youngest only ever stuck just the tip of one finger into her diaper, realized that is smelled and came running insisting that we clean it off at once. Hats off to you for keeping your cool with all the other things you do.

  6. Thank u ......

    Your blog is very nice & informative...

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