Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Have you ever wondered what insanity looks like ….

Have you ever wondered what insanity looks like …. For real…. in real life????
I should have had a video camera going. Looking back on that night I really wish I had…. Well kind of…
It would have been funnier if it happened to some other family and I could sit back and hear all about it or watch it play out on the big screen with a diet Pepsi in one hand a bowl of smart food popcorn in the other – but as circumstances would have it …. It happened to us….. and it WASN’T FUNNY at the time.
The younger kiddlings were fast asleep in their beds; they had been down for a little while. My Husband and the Teenager were sitting by the fire downstairs in the family room, watching something on television. I was enjoying some quiet solitude in the living room. A rare opportunity to have some “Me time” and catch up on things I needed to do on the computer. Replying to an email, I had just clicked “send” when I heard a noise. “Shhhoooop!” It sounded like the noise of the bedroom door opening so I watched in that direction with anticipation. “One of my little girlies must be out of bed” I thought to myself. I stared at the door but it didn’t open. “That’s odd” I thought “that sounded exactly like their door opening.” I shrugged my shoulders and turned my attention back to my computer ….. Then I caught something out of the corner of my eye. It was a quick movement – so I almost missed it….but there was no mistaking the flapping sound of wings rushing past my head at an incredible speed. I quickly ducked and froze. “Is that a bird???” my mind asked immediately. But I knew from the chill in my spine and the scream caught in my throat that it was NOT a bird…. It was a BAT. His long leathery wings flapping furiously, flying in circles from the living room to the dining room and back again. Narrowly missing my head each time! I couldn’t contain myself any longer and let out a blood curling scream “AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! Husband! Husband! AAAHHHH!!!! Husband!!!!” I didn’t have the opportunity to run from the room – or I would have. I happened to be right in this winged creature’s path and couldn’t get out of the way. I scrambled down off my chair and crawled under the computer desk … well, as far in as I could (whose idea was it to put the printer under here anyway?) I reached up and blindly grabbed my desk calendar and put it over my head – to protect myself??? Hahahaha. I screamed for my husband again and heard him racing up the stairs. “What’s wrong?!” He hollered, voice full of concern. “Where are you? What’s wrooooOOO!!” OH MY GOSH!!” CRASH!!! Down he went. Right the floor. Eyes wide in fear and amazement. He lay on his back and yelled for the Teenager. “Bring me a towel or a blanket!” No answer. “Teenager! Bring me a towel or blanket – QUICK!” he pleaded again (lying on the kitchen floor on his back slowly sliding himself backward by dragging his body along the floor) screaming “Aahh!! Aahh!!” every time the flapping bat circled over top of him. “Get him! Get Him!” I screamed, like a mad woman from under the computer desk. “Where are YOU?” my Husband inquired. “I’m under the desk” I shot back “don’t leave me here! Where are you going?” I screamed….hysteria rising up within me. Flap, flap, flap, swoop. “I have to go get a blanket to catch this thing.” He reasoned. “Don’t you leave me here alone ….. Unless you want to be divorced!” I whimpered back. “Teenager!” He yelled “Hurry up!” “I’m locked in the bathroom and I am NOT coming out!” she squealed back. I could hear my Husband sliding across the kitchen floor on his back – he must have made it to the basement stairs cause I heard him scrambling to get up and then his footsteps fading away as he ran down the stairs. I was alone with the flying creature. Flap, flap, flap, swoop. Flap, flap, flap, swoop. Around and around. I was listening so intently to the wings flapping to determine where the bat was that I didn’t hear my Husband creep back up into the kitchen.
Suddenly a blanket landed on the floor in front of me. “I think I got him!” he hollered triumphantly. “Aaahhh! Don’t throw it in front of ME!” I squealed as I pressed back further into the corner under the desk. I heard my printer creaking and groaning and I was sure it would be busted up before long. “Oh NO! It’s on the floor – IN FRONT OF YOU!” my darling Husband yelled. “Aaaah!!! Aahhhh!!!” All I could do was screech and close my eyes, imagining the nasty night flyer crawling across the carpet, inching his way closer and closer toward me. “He’s up again!” My Husband informed me. I sighed with relief then scrambled to pick up all the pieces of paper that fell out of my calendar (that I was holding over my head) “Stop throwing the blanket in MY direction!” I screamed as the blanket landed near my knees again. Flap, flap, flap, swoop. “Aahhh! Get him!” I pleaded. “I’m trying.” My Husband yelled back exasperated. Suddenly he burst into the centre of the room screaming (in a war cry-like fashion) and growling like a mad man he tossed the blanket toward the winged invader. In an instant everything stopped. “I think I got him” my Husband whispered. I peeked out from under the desk. I slid the calendar back in place and crawled out from my hole. My knees were complaining to me already and my body let me know that it didn’t appreciate being cramped up in my poor choice of hiding places. “Aahhh!! It’s crawling out!” my Husband yelled. “Get it! Get it!” I screamed, dashing toward the kitchen to find a way of escape. I collided with the Teenager as she came up the stairs with wide eyes. “I got him!” My Husband chimed. “Quickly, get something to put him in.” I ran off to the garage to grab an old hamster cage. “Where were you? Why didn’t you come to help us!?” my Husband boomed at the Teenager. “I didn’t know what was happening. I heard Mom scream and some scuffling upstairs then I heard you scream Dad, and a crash … so I thought it must be a home invasion or something … and I was scared so I locked myself in the bathroom downstairs.”
She explained. I came back in with the cage and we got the bat inside. Immediately it started trying to crawl through the bars to escape. My Husband threw the towel over the cage as the Teenager and I yelped and backed up toward the basement stairs. “Oh man, I think I killed it.” My Husband said with regret in his voice. We came closer to have a look. He lifted the towel and saw the bat’s head and part of a wing protruding through the top of the cage. The bat’s mouth was wide open in an ugly scowl, baring all his sharp pointy teeth. “He’s dead.” My Husband surmised. “Oh no he’s NOT.” I exclaimed. “He’s just pretending, that’s what he wants you to think … he’s just waiting for an opportunity to….Aaahhhh!!!!!” The Teenager and I screamed and simultaneously ran for the stairs. We shoved each other down the stairs and ran into the laundry room, closing the door behind us. The bat had started wiggling and writhing against the bars and was coming out of the cage – my Husband stood there wide eyed and frantic shouting “What do I do, what do I do?” “Put it outside” I yelled over my shoulder as we fled the room. “It will die out there – it’s freezing out!” He argued. “Do I LOOK like I care whether he dies or not?!?!” I asked sarcastically (from my hiding place in the basement laundry room.) A few minutes later we heard the door open and close again and my Husband hollered down to us “It’s all clear now … I put the cage outside.” We sighed with relief and started back up the stairs laughing at our own childishness. I locked the door and shoved the towel against the bottom of the door (just incase he tried to crawl back in under the door.) “It’s gonna die in that cage, how’s he gonna get out?” my Husband asked, suddenly feeling sorry for the awful creature who savagely held his wife captive under a desk for more than fifteen minutes. “Don’t worry,” I replied “that winged Houdini can easily fit through those bars – he’ll be free in no time. I just hope he doesn’t decide to come back indoors… the way, where do you think he came from?” I queried.
We clung together, grabbed a flash light and cautiously wandered from room to room peering in closets and behind doors trying to decide where the bat came from. We couldn’t find any obvious place he came in and my Husband grew tired of playing hide and seek with us. He went back downstairs to finish watching television. The Teenager and I continued to look in closets and cupboards and in light fixtures (I know – I can’t think of why we’d look there either.) We were cautiously investigating the hallway linen closet with the flash light, peering up over all the stacks of sheets to see if we could see any cracks or holes in there. There happens to be a vent in the floor right in front of the linen closet. The vent also opens up as a ceiling vent in the basement family room (the kiddlings use it as an intercom type of thing to communicate with each other through the floor) well, the mood was tense as the Teenager and I cautiously investigated the linen closet, ready to slam the door at any sudden movement or flapping ….. “ROOOAARR!!!” growled my Husband through the floor vent … causing us to scream and drop the flashlight. Thinking back now it is a wonder that the kiddlings all slept through the madness. There was so much screaming and banging around that night if we had neighbours we would have had complaints for sure …. I’m glad they’re sound sleepers though…. Can you imagine one of the little girlies wandering into the living room as the wild bat flew in circles over head? Hahahaha. And where were her brave parents who would rescue her from the wild beast? Hiding under the computer desk and crawling along the kitchen floor and her big sister was hiding out in the bathroom behind a locked door.
That night I dreamt of bats hiding in my bed sheets and in the closets…it was a fitful sleepless night to say the least. I got up in the middle of the night to use the washroom and sat there praying the whole time that no flying winged creature would swoop down on my head. The next morning we told the other kiddlings about our adventure and showed them a few pictures (yes, even in times like this I still find a moment to grab my camera and catch some drama) The boys opened the back door to check out the empty hamster cage on the back porch (where in the world did he go???) and then Shane got seriously quiet and said to me “Mom, why were you so scared? Weren’t you a wildlife rehabilitator before? You’ve taken care of bats before haven’t you?” Red-faced and embarrassed I tried to explain myself “Son, the bats I rehabilitated were orphaned or injured and could not fly around and swoop down at me – they were hurt and I helped them … This bat didn’t need my help … besides, I haven’t had rabies shots in a very long time now” :)
Later on that day I discovered how the bat got into our house.
As I sat in the bathroom with the Baby, waiting for her to “go potty” I noticed a large tear in the screen in at the top of the bathroom window. After a shower or bath I often open the window to clear up the steam. I remembered doing that a couple nights ago after the little girlies had their baths. I opened the window and forgot about it – I shut it again just before bedtime. It was late the next night that we had the “Bat Incident.” The only place the bat could have hidden out and not been noticed for a day and a half was on the dark shower curtains …. Sooooo …… are you squirming yet???? That means that my Husband (in the morning) and my Teenager (in the evening) both had the pleasure of showering with the nasty home invader…..Hahahahahaha. Can you imagine what would have happened if the bat decided to “make an appearance” in the shower? Although we just got new windows installed with brand new screens, we all check the shower curtains now before we hop into the shower…. Just incase.

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  1. I wish I had been there to see this one, you should have hilarious instead of funny to click, because this is hilarious.

    Love ya "Batman"

  2. Lucy you truly are an artist of words hon! You kept me captivated throughout your entire blog, even though I was there for the whole thing! Love you my Batgirl :-)Great job as always!

  3. Yes I have had the 'bat terror' experience;(that creepy picture brought it all back !) 5 years ago while I was on the treadmill reading my bible! I had no where to go, but I had my bible that I had been reading, I put it over my head (nothing like the Word of God to scare a bat.. haha) crawled on the floor down the stairs and called my brother.. who promptly said 'what do you want me to do?' (I won't say what I said to him) meanwhile upstairs was my son's black lab trying to catch it. Yes Lisa I know the feeling and I just relived it with you! I have to admit I did LOL quite a few times as I read. I laughed the hardest at the teenagers comment about house invasion! I had those ugly winged rodents twice. the next time I found one sleeping in my slipper....don't ask. I moved that summer :-0. Glad you found out how it got in.
    You really do need to write a book! Just think what kind of kids story you could make out of this one!
    I too would not have cared about the 'freezing' part of putting him outside. blah!

    glad you are all safe!! hugs

  4. I can never figure out these computers and what they ask you.
    It was me, Lynn that wrote that.

  5. Bat's are better than mosquitos, I would give anything to have bats around my place, the mosquitos hugely outnumber anything else.

    1% of bats carry rabies, you're more likely to get it from a domestic dog than a bat; I'm just sayin love the bats, they're free pest control, not pests unless you get annoyed when flying critters accidentally get lost in your house