The Fish Bowl: December 2012

Monday, December 31, 2012

Baby Jesus in the Cheese Grater.

The holidays are upon us. I don't even know where the past two months went. The last thing I remember was preparing for the harvest Party at church at the end of October and suddenly Christmas is here and the New Year is right behind it. Where does the time go?!?!? I want to take the opportunity to wish all my Fish Bowl readers a very Merry Christmas season. I pray an abundance of blessings, wisdom, health and happiness for you all in the New Year.
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Having seven kiddlings, I need to be very organized and extra stealthy at this time of year. Every present brought into the house must be wrapped and gift tagged immediately then hidden away from little prying eyes. I thought this year was going to be the very best yet as I finally had a CLOSET, not just any closet but a SUPER CLOSET! When we had the addition built we had a large closet put in along the length of one wall to house all our clothing, especially all my Diva's (Oops, I mean my husband's) clothes, and to provide a little more storage space.

This would be the perfect place to hide the little darlings Christmas gifts....or so I thought! I was amazed at how much stuff I was able to neatly stack in the closet. The shelf is wide and long....so much room! But during lunch one afternoon Grandma and I sat in the kitchen chatting over a sandwich when suddenly...CRASH!!!! "What the heck was that?!" We both hollered as we ran toward the bedrooms. She darted to her room and I investigated mine. I threw open the closet door to find...... a mess!
I am not sure if it was contractor error, organizer error, or a combination of the two but I was not thrilled with having to re wrap and re organize my stash of gifts.
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I woke up at 5:45 am one morning to an odd sound in the distance. "Clink, clink, clink, clink." It was a soft metallic type of sound and I couldn't quite figure out what it was. I slipped out of bed and quietly crept down the hall toward the source of the sound. My heart sunk when I noticed the Baby's bedroom door was ajar. The gate was still locked but she was not in her room. Someone had forgotten to chain her door at bedtime and she had climbed the gate and escaped. I ran for the source of the noise knowing whatever it was, she would be the cause of it. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen I saw her. Sitting on the floor in the dim light of the early morning, her back against the cupboards, and the bottom drawer pulled all the way out.

She was dropping plastic nativity scene figures, piece by piece into the cheese grater. "Clink, clink, clink...." The rhythmic sound of the plastic hitting the metal of the grater was soothing to her and held her attention. In her left hand she held a small wax birthday cake (that's been in the family since I was little). When she looked up and noticed me she held the wax cake out as if offering it to me. "I bit it" she said "here, smell my breath." I giggled to myself and breathed a sigh of relief. She could have wandered anywhere in the house getting into all sorts of trouble as we slept but instead here she was safe and sound in the kitchen playing with baby Jesus in the cheese grater.
I felt very grateful (no pun intended). That seems to be the theme for me this year... gratefulness. For all the things I have AND for all the things I don't have, I am grateful.
I'm sure I am not alone in my mindset this time of year. This is the season to look back and reminisce and then to look ahead and dream. At least it is for me :)
In my reminiscing I went back throughout the past two years in my blog posts and spent a lot of time laughing out loud over the memories stored there. I thought it would be fun for my Fish Bowl readers to "go back" there too and share a few laughs with me so I designed another cool CONTEST!!!! Yes, you heard it right... the final Fish Bowl CONTEST of 2012. Win a Napoleon Dynamite DVD!!!!!

Here are the details:
* The contest will run from now (Monday December 31, 2012) through midnight of Sunday January 6th, 2013.
* The contest winner will be notified of their win and will receive their prize immediately. Their identity will be published in the next Fish Bowl blog post.
* Listed below are ten phrases. Each phrase can be found in one of the previously archived Fish Bowl Blog posts. The archived listing of posts can be found on the right hand side of the page under "Archives".
* Search the past Fish Bowl posts to find the 10 phrases listed and let us know where you found them (either the title of the post or the date the post was published). Example: 1. "Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, Across the carpet. BANG." your answer would be #1. December 6, 2012.
* Post your answers in the comment section below or email them to me. Be sure to include your name and email address.
* To win, you must find all 10 phrases and their correct locations All correct entries received by the deadline will be entered into a draw for the Prize (a Napoleon Dynamite DVD). The draw will take place on January 6th, 2013 at midnight.

Phrases to Find

1. "Mom, come quick! Susan and Latoya have their pants off and they're pooping in the snow!"

2. "Mom did it .... I saw her." Shouted a little one. "Daddy's gonna be maaaaaad."

3. I didn't even say those bad words that pop into your head and out of your mouth before you can hold them back in situations such as this.

4. A "pack of children" is much like a pack of wild dogs. They move as one. When one of them gets a bright idea, they all move together to carry it out.

5. It was the same kind of look in his eyes that he had the morning after his "big operation" when he bent down to clean himself and realized "something wasn't quite right."....

6. "Ewww, that's so gross! They're spreading germs!" and another screams "Look - he's eating her face!"

7. "....I wouldn't have changed a thing about how I became their mom, I am just so thankful that I am."

8. What I really would have preferred was a quiet sunrise in a dew covered duck blind cuddled up next to My Hunter waiting with great anticipation....

9. then he'll scream like a girl when he pulls the visor down and the pixie falls on to his lap.

10. My husband drew closer to me and with a hint of sarcasm in his voice said "Hey Babe, I have an idea, let's have seven kids!" Then he rolled over and pulled the covers over his head.

*Here's a Few Funnies From Our House to Yours*

* Teenager: Baby, you need to eat your food! Hurry up!

The Baby: (sticks pointer finger at the Teenager) Don't you get lippy with me lady!

Teenager: Eat your food Baby!

The Baby: Don't raise your voice at me Teenager!

*The Baby comes home from school and announces to everyone that she likes to play the P-NANO now. (piano)

*The Baby likes to cuddle with Daddy. One day as she sits on his lap gazing into his eyes she points to a small skin tag on his eye lid. "It's a nipple!" she squeals with glee.

* Our dogs were recently breeding and the Baby happened to catch a view of the action. She got very excited and cheered them on. "Good girl Emma! You're doing it! Look it! Good boy Buzzy! He's helping her get the babies out." she explained

*The Baby noticed that a light bulb had burnt out in the kitchen. :Mommy, the batteries runned out!" she exclaimed.

*The baby was sitting with Daddy. She reached over and patted his belly. "You've got a big belly Daddy." "Yup." he said flatly. "You gonna have a baby?" she inquired innocently.

*As we wandered down the produce aisle I pointed out several fruits and veggies to the Baby. "Do you know what this is?" I asked as she shook her head no. "It's a zucchini" I informed her. "I have a zucchini" she said with animation "it's my bathing suit."

*The Baby was talking to Grandma while eating. She began pointing and giggling. "Grandma you have crumpled faces" she said as she pointed to the wrinkles around Grandma's lips.

Subscribers Stories

Introducing a new area of the tank.... Subscribers Stories! Do you have a funny or or cute story to share? Want to have it included in the "Subscribers Stories" section of The Fish Bowl? Just email me your story and I 'll include it in a future edition of The Fish Bowl. Please include your name and email address with all submissions.

* We were in line at Shoppers and Gabby decides to run to the front of the store and redecorate their tree and "fix" the tree skirt. Of course I'm telling her to leave it alone and get back in line and she says "What are they thinking, they can't expect Santa to come unless the tree is perfect." (This is my niece and I had to share with all my co-workers)

Submitted by Corrine S, Windsor, Ontario

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ~ Be Blessed,

Lucy

Thursday, December 6, 2012

I move around with great stealth, like a ninja in my own home - trying not to be seen

I stretch and yawn and roll over in my bed still warm and groggy from a cozy night's sleep. I slide out from under the covers and let my feet dangle over the side of the bed letting my eyes adjust to the darkness as I search for my well-worn wool slippers. I slip out of the bedroom soundlessly taking care not to awaken my husband. I NEED to stop in to the bathroom for a nature call, it IS first thing in the morning after all but how to do it without waking HER? 'Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle' across the carpet 'BANG' I hit the edge of the doorway with my knee! "Ooooooh" I moan inwardly as I feel my way along the wall, across the counter and sink and finally over to the toilet. I move around with great stealth, like a ninja in my own home - trying not to be seen. "This would be so much easier to do with the lights on" I reason with myself. As I settle down onto the seat I peer out the bathroom blinds anxiously I can feel that familiar anxiety crawling up my spine. Listening so intently I wash my hands and creep out of the dark bathroom toward the kitchen. "BANG!" Stupid chair...who left that out? As I quietly creep toward the kitchen (rubbing my shin) I avoid walking past the windows. Ever so quietly I reach for the dimmer switch and pause. "I can't turn it on...she'll see it. But I need to be able to see to get the coffee going and the kids lunches made...." I compromise with myself and turn the light on 'just a little bit.' I listen intently and breathe a sigh of relief.... "Phew, nothing....." I'm feeling a little daring so I turn the light switch up a little more basking the room in a faint but warm glow. Just as I pull my hand away from the switch THERE IT IS! That noise that send shivers down my spine and wakes up every nerve in my body. From outside in the darkness the beast is stirring, the sound of nails on a chalk board might be more desirous than this.

It doesn't matter how quiet I am, how long I creep around in the dark (in my own home) and avoid turning on the lights or how still and away from the windows I stand, she always hears it and at about 6:30 am every morning she lets out those terrifying sounds guaranteed to send the wild coyotes running for cover. She's smart....she can tell time by watching the sun rise.... the slightest sound or movement from inside the house sends her into a frenzied fit of braying certain to wake up all the neighbours within a five mile radius. I am hoping to catch my neighbours grand kids visiting across the road this weekend. I want to offer them some pony rides and "make friends" just to stay on their good side and head off any noise complaints. In any case, I will make a point of introducing them to Jenny, our beautiful miniature donkey in hopes that they will come to love her as much as we do and just perhaps politely tolerate her early morning wake up calls :)

I may hold off on letting them know that Jenny is pregnant and that sometime in July we expect another pretty little "noise maker" to join our family!

*Here's a Few Funnies From Our House to Yours*

* The Teenager recently had knee surgery. I had an audience of kiddlings while I changed her bandages one afternoon. They ooohed and ahhed and gagged a bit here and there. When I was finished I overheard Little Susan saying to the Teenager "I miss your regular knee."

* The Baby was trying to befriend Buzzy, our young Shih Tzu pup. I scratched his chest and said "here honey, pet him like this..." and modeled how she should gently scratch him on the chest. She caught on quickly and was delighted that Buzzy sat still to receive her affection. "Look Mama, I'm rubbing his nipple" she said gleefully as she patted his pointy sternum bone on his chest.

Who taught her these words? Why can't she just KNOW them? Why does she have to USE them? I guess I am the guilty party. I believe in truth. Now don't shoot me...but none of my children believe in Santa either. I never could see the point of trying to convince my sweet innocent toddlers to sit on the lap of a fat old guy for the promise of gifts or candy... I mean we teach them NOT to sit on stranger's laps and NOT to take candy from strangers don't we? I guess I just figured I'd have a harder time convincing them that God is real if I lied to them about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.... So I guess you could say I am big on truth. I always taught my kiddos the "real" names for body parts instead of sugar coating it and making up fake names for "uncomfortable appendages." Who wants their kid going to school and during health class innocently mislabeling their body parts "the flower", "the secret place" , or "the birdies nest"? I don't want my kiddlings to sound uneducated and I certainly don't want them being teased for using odd names for body parts. So I choose to use proper names for body parts as soon as they start asking that all important question..."whats that?" But sometimes that "truth" backfires and causes embarrassment .... like the day we were having lunch at Montanna's in Windsor. The Baby overheard Uncle Tom talking to Daddy about "China." Well she got a funny look on her face and she started questioning rather loudly in a crowded restaurant "Why was Uncle Tom talkin' 'bout ginas?" She is persistent and we tried to ignore her but she wouldn't have it. She needed to know... "Gina? Gina? Why is he talkin' 'bout ginas?" Over and over again she questioned. Needless to say Uncle Tom hasn't invited us out to lunch since then.

* Little Susan and the Baby were playing with their chapsticks one day. I guess they were sharing with each other. "Mommy, our chapsticks are the same appetite (flavour) said Little Susan.

* I overheard Little Susan explaining an important life lesson to the Baby. "The Barn cat had kittens," she said. "The mama cat laid eggs and the kittens came out."

* Little Susan came home and told me about having her teeth checked at school. "Mommy my teeth are good, they said I have no calories!" she proudly exclaimed.

* The Baby likes the smell of my "doty-rint" (deodorant)

Subscribers Stories

*I'm sitting at swimming lessons when I went to smell the tube of hand cream that Hannah left in my bag and accidentally shot some up my nose. I don't know if everyone else is just being polite or no one noticed. Either way, i'm lol ing Good thing it smells good.

Submitted by Grace R

*Well I just discovered (a little too late, I might add) that one if my little angels covered the entire toilet seat with... Toothpaste!?!? As I went to investigate farther, I found that the other toilet seat was also a target, leading me to believe that this could have been a team effort. Unfortunately, my main suspect is in lala land already, so I shall take my minty fresh butt to bed so I can be all energized to deal with this in the morning. Regardless, they're all in for a good hand scrubbing before breakfast!

Submitted by Grace R

*The awkward moment when you take out the graham cracker crumbs that have been in the cupboard for over a year & you tell your teen daughter to 'put out your hand' and proceed dump some into her palm then say now 'taste it with your tongue'..... And she touches her tongue to it, just barely and then says with fright 'WHAT'S THAT.... Bug!!' and I haven't been able to stop laughing or crying since!!! Priceless!!! (don't worry family, the desserts made last week were from a NEW package. Tonight I was just trying to use up the old stuff.) this is a moment neither of us will ever forget!!! For completely opposite reasons... But that doesn't matter :)

Submitted By Kimberly L, LaSalle

Blowing Bubbles About....

This week we're blowing bubbles about Grocery Shopping 4 You.

Located in Chatham, Ontario. Owned and operated by Kirk Dawes.

Providing personalized grocery shopping and delivery from your favourite stores. We shop....so you don't have to! Serving the Chatham, Blenheim, Dresden, Ridgetown, Tilbury, Wallaceburg areas.

You can also check them out on Face Book.